A Place Wonderful But Not So Strange...

 

Oddly enough, while I don't know anyone named Harry Truman, nor does Twin Peaks really have anything to do with it, I have felt like this over the last week.Allow me to be blunt and very transparent here, in order to explain the wonderful part, and perhaps you will see, as I am starting to, that it really isn't so strange at all.

Last week, in a desperate attempt to override my absurd and obsessive worry, I Googled a few things: "KJV verses provision," for instance. Sure, I could have just flipped to the back of my Good Book and done a manual keyword search, but as much of a KJV girl as I am, Google trumps the concordance. Instantly, the almighty Googler cast his wide lasso around cyberspace and reeled in a list of all the verses I needed. I know many of them by heart already, but I wanted to read them word for word. Yes, my memory occasionally fails me, and it seems to be growing dimmer by the day. So is the life of the girl beyond her fourth decade.

Anywhatever, after I pulled up those verses, I took out a piece of paper and wrote on it a list of my debts. I was $625 in the hole for rent, which was, at that time, three days late. (Again, I am so grateful for the amazingly understanding and patient landlord I have!) I was facing possible disconnection of my Internet and electric and was on the threshold of having to work out some sort of payment plan for them. I feared losing my auto insurance and/or not being able to pay my tax bills in time. I wasn't even sure I could afford to put gas in my car or pay for Netflix or Hulu to keep our television on for another month; a bit ridiculous since they're under $10 a piece, but this is just a clue as to how dire my straits were. We all go through valleys, but this was more like stumbling into a black hole that I wasn't sure I could ever climb out of. 

Around that list, I decided to write out those verses I looked up. I picked the best ones: Joshua 1:9 (that "withersoever thou goest" bit); Psalm 32:7 (that "preserve me from trouble" bit); Psalm 23:1 (that whole "thou shall not want" bit); Proverbs 3:5 (that "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart" bit); Isaiah 43:2 (that "I will be with thee," even through fire and water bit); Jeremiah 29:11 (that "thoughts of peace and not of evil" and that "expected end" bit); Philippians 4:19 (that "my God shall supply all your need" bit); and best of all, Matthew 6: 25-32 (that whole story of the fowls of the air and the lilies of the field not freaking out over their needs being met). I then folded that list up, with those verses written around it, said yet another prayer that God would meet my needs and prevent me from losing everything (including my sanity) in the process of waiting for His timing, and then I put that list under my pillow, where it would be close to my mind when worry threatened to strike me with insomnia. I continued worrying and asked everyone to pray for me and ranted and vented to my closest friends and rels about the situation, as per normal Autie behavior, and I still had trouble sleeping, but I continued to pray about my needs and tried to trust. I didn't do such a good job of it, but I handled it better than I have before. 

And now we get to the wonderful part that really isn't so strange if you consider all those passages I wrote down around my list of debts. Within a matter of two days, I was able to mark many things off that frightening list: More work came my way, right out of the woodwork, and my rent, insurance, electric, Internet, Hulu/Netflix (I realize these are not required, but we do use them daily), and State and Fed taxes were paid. Not only that, but I had some left over that I can now apply to everyday needs like gas and groceries and dog and car and household needs, as well as to enjoy some outings we want to go on next weekend and to start paying back debts to people who have helped me along the way. 

No, I am not rich. No, I am not suddenly a bazillionaire. No, my wallet is not bulging. No, Ed McMahon has not come to my house to present me with an oversized check (and if he did, I'd have bigger problems to sort out, considering he left the planet in 2009). But the wonderful part is that all of my URGENT needs, the ones that were worrying me sick, were taken care of miraculously in ways I did not at all expect, from extra work that seemed to come out of nowhere and also the inexplicable generosity and kindness of my current clients, who often flatter me and surprise me with bonuses for the work I do. 

So, Agent Cooper, while I love you dearly, I have to say that the place I'm in now is really not strange at all. It's wonderful, to be sure, but is it really strange that God does what He says He will do? NO WAY! The owls may not be what they seem, but God is EXACTLY what He says, and I am so grateful today that even when I doubt His provision and His timing, He still makes life wonderful!