How the Matter Will Fall

I am not always an impatient person. In fact, I have been known to be too patient and tolerant with some people and issues in life. I would venture to say that there are three places where I am the most impatient: with companies/drive-thrus/telemarketers, with myself, and - perhaps worst of all - with God. This is something I must work on, but it certainly is not easy.

Yesterday at church, the preacher continued taking us through Chapter 1 of Ruth. Next to James, it is, perhaps, my favorite book of the Bible. Not only am I a sucker for those "happy endings for the seemingly hopeless" tales that the scriptures are so full of, those stories that prove the whole "all things work together for good" verses to be ever true, but it is also one of those books that seems to speak something new to me each and every time I read it. I suppose it's safe to admit that it is very poignant for me at this moment, when I've been feeling a bit...romantically unattached. Anyway, as I was turning to Chapter 1 yesterday morning, my Bible naturally opened to Chapter 3, a dog-eared page; there is a verse there that I have underlined, highlighted, circled, and considered having tattooed in reverse on my forehead so I will be forced to read it each and every day to remind myself to be patient, especially with God. That verse is:

Now, I am not good at "sitting still." I am certainly not good at waiting to see "how the matter will fall," as I tend to assume that the only thing falling will be the sky. I am even worse at trusting that "the man" will "finish the thing." This is a lack of faith, and I know it, and it is something I am working on, but it is also a lack of patience - with myself and with God.

I don't believe I deserve much in life, and I know far too many human beings (especially today) are far too falsely entitled. Nevertheless, somewhere deep down in my human thoughts, I get very impatient when I feel as if I and/or God are not moving fast enough, handling things in what I believe to be a timely manner, or tying up the loose ends into a neat little bow in some reasonable amount of time. I am not patient with myself at all either, as I tend to beat myself up for every failure, delay, late-paid bill, ounce of weight gain, procrastination, bad decision, oversight, slip-up, mistake, or temporary moment of idiocy. Someone who used to be very close to me used to refer to me as "exasperating," and I really couldn't agree with him more. I'm rather certain God wants to face-palm when He looks down at me. So, when there are loose ends I want to tie up, I am quick to get angry and impatient with myself that they were not handled already. I often drown in the constant woulda-coulda-shouldas, angry with myself for "sabotaging" the timing of things that I think should have already been taken care of.

Compared to our modern propensity for microwaves, it used to take a lot longer to make popcorn or a bowl of oatmeal. We go to a drive-thru and expect them to adhere to their "Your way right away" promises. We email and chat and IM in a fraction of a second, instead of waiting for the Post Office to carry a communication to us. We are a people of instant gratification, a society in which waiting is simply not acceptable. Everything is expected to be delivered yesterday, and tomorrow is already booked solid with a whole new batch of expectations. In general, all of us are impatient, and when that patience is tested, we often lose faith. I am more guilty of this than some, especially when it comes to some things.


Currently, there is one issue that is REALLY eating at me. I want to tie it up, to be done with it, to put it behind me and let it go and move on, but I do not have the resources to do so just yet. I gave this issue to God int he first place, so I must rely, in faith and patience, on the fact - yes, the FACT - that God will provide for me to wrap it up in the right time, that "the man will not be in rest until He have finished the thing." Still, there is this sense of urgency that is plaguing me, and I'm having trouble sitting still. My prayers this week will continue to include this relatively significant loose-end issue in my life, but I have also come to the realization that I need to be praying for patience too - with myself and with the God whose timing is always perfect.