An Ode to My "And So I Ran" Xanga: E-Props and Anti-Props Reborn

A long, long time ago, in a galaxy not so far away (mostly Ohio and Missouri), I had a Xanga page called "And So I Ran" (a name taken from the film adaptation of my Monster's Mind novella). On that Xanga page, I occasionally posted a list of what I called "E-Props and Anti-props." The list included a few things I like and a few things I loathe. For some inexplicable reason, people seemed to get a kick out of my lists, so I will post them here occasionally. You may agree with some, disagree with some, or not care about any, but this is my blog, and I'll share my opinions freely here. So there!

E-PROPS - THINGS THAT MAKE ME

 

My Long-Suffering Brit Best Bud, Wes. How can I not give e-props to a guy I've whined to daily for almost seventeen years, about every conceivable and ridiculous thing? I mean, gosh, he even sent out a geocache traveler to find me, and he sent me a Jack Shepherd keychain once (see: Anti-Props). Not only that, but he gives me great advice, allows me to disagree with him in areas large and small and likes me anyway, and he unknowingly gave me a clever tagline for this blog yesterday. Never thought I'd make a real friend through Transatlantic Pen Friends all those years ago, but this one stuck, and I am really grateful to "know" him and his family in the capacity I do. We'll probably never meet IRL, considering the bazillion oceanic miles between our worlds, but it really doesn't matter. I did pre-invite him and his fam to my funeral though, and he promised to come, as long as I die during Clark County Fair Week so he can try a whole pound of deep-fried cheese on a stick. I guess the Brits are not familiar with our artery-clogging fair treats.

Pajama Pants. I work for myself. That means, for the duration of the business day, I can (and do) wear whatever I want (or don't want. HA!). I'm in my forties, and I'm not exactly stylish. Not only that, but I never have company, and only my daughter and dogs see me on a daily basis. Thus, I adore pajama pants, the self-employed, work-at-home book editor's alternative to the stuffy nylons and skirts I used to have to wear to Cubicle Land. Roomy, cozy, flannel goodness! Of course, the people who wear them out in public, other than a cursory run to the mailbox or through the drive-thru, should be on my anti-props list.

Geocaching. When my friend Wes first spoke to me of this odd hobby of his, I thought he was talking about some sort of videogame; therefore, I admittedly paid it no mind. He's younger and hipper, so I just figured it was something an old lady like me had no clue about. When I decided to finally ask him about it, I couldn't believe that this giant, worldwide scavenger hunt has been going on for years and years, all around me, without me even knowing about it! Not everyone would find joy in using coordinates to go find little containers with slips of paper to sign and then log online, but I do...and some of my BEST times in recent years have been my geocaching outings with my daughter (Gotta Cache 'Em All), my brother (Mythical Cheese Pirate/MCP), my sister (Libertyj77), my neffies, and even a cousin or two. Sure, we waste a lot of gas and have had more than our fair share of poison ivy, as well as encounters with concerned citizens, police and park rangers, ticks, snakes, animal remains (including a cow carcass with a rubber glove stuck up its decaying nether regions for some reason), scary graffiti, discarded intimate things, and a few minor injuries, but it is worth all the laughs and memories. I am so glad I found this hobby that gives me a reason to get out and about with the people I enjoy. It's free, it's fun, it's the perfect melding of tech gadgets with the great outdoors, and you should try it at www.geocaching.com

Nightly Meat. Yes, it is an odd nickname for these little packs of cold cuts, but I dubbed it that for good reason: Almost every night since the beginning of my diet in January of 2014, I have nibbled on these 90- or 100-calorie packs as a snack. Thus, it is literally my "nightly meat." My sister, daughter, and friends know it by this name and actually write it on our shopping lists this way. Hopefully, no one who has found our discarded shopping lists has had a gutter mind. :D At 59 cents (or even less for the store brands), you can't go wrong with it, though my dogs do look at me in great longing when I don't share with them.

My Digital Camera. Ask anyone who knows me, and they'll tell you I don't go anywhere without it. Yes, I take too many pictures and far too many selfies (see: Anti-Props), but do not forget that I grew up in the era of the Kodak Disc Camera and disposable cameras, when we had to take our pictures on faith and pay to have them developed. Now that they are free, previewable, easily shared, and always available, who doesn't want to turn every moment into a Kodak one? Plus, I like to annoy people, so it works out well. If anyone has any complaints, please direct them to the electronics gurus who have created this wonderful device...or to my sister, who gave me the camera in the first place.

ANTI-PROPS - THINGS THAT MAKE ME

 

LOST. This is old news, because it is, at this point, an old show, but I was reminded of it today in a conversation with a new friend, as well as with a glance over at my bulletin board, where my infamous Jack Shepherd keychain hangs, a sadistic gift from my friend Wes. I liked the show. No, I LoVeD the show, right up until the network made a mockery of the time I'd wasted sitting through seven seasons by telling me that it was all basically Jack Shepherd's dream/ego trip/imagination or whatever they were purporting. From day one, I wished he and Kate had become shark bait in the crash, so I was not happy with the ending at all. To this day, one look at him sickens me with disappointment, and this is exactly why the keychain hangs on my bulletin board instead of on the keys I carry daily. Of course, Wes was repaid recently with some Dirty Dancing paraphernalia, as vengeance is fair play. 

Lacking Cool Restaurants in Our Town. There are many things about Springfield that I love. It is, after all, my hometown and where I've spent the majority of my life, about 39 of my 44 years. However, there are foods I wish to devour that I cannot within close proximity, and I find that upsetting. What I wouldn't give for an IHOP crepe, a Friendly's Fishamajig and coffee Fribble, some of those Mexi-paste tacos or Jumbo Jacks from Jack-in-the-Box, or anything from Chic-Fila! I know there are some of these places in nearby cities, but "nearby" is a relative term when one drives a very old Corolla and doesn't like to venture far and gets lost anywhere outside her zip code. Oh well. I suppose this just gives me an excuse to visit these places when I go on any sort of vacation or geocaching junket. 

Minions. Why? Why are these showing up everywhere? They are on (and in) my breakfast cereal. They are in the bear claw machine at the grocery. Daily, I am pummeled with them on Facebook, as if every single cliche, meme, philosophical statement, poster, or trite expression has somehow become the property of Universal Pictures and these weird "Twinkies with eyes," as my friend Kyleene aptly put it. Not only that, but they are the exact shade of yellow that stirs up some sort of homicidal, unnerving aversion within me. Every time I see one, I want to find a sledgehammer and smash a Twinkie, and I'm usually not so unkind to junk food, especially since I'm not allowed to eat it that often.

The Thumbs-Up Emoji. There are few things in life that I currently despise more than this. I tend to ramble in text/chat. I know this and am well aware that I type too fast and say too much. To me, the thumbs-up in any variation is the equivalent of "That's nice, Autie. Now shut up and go make me a sandwich or do something productive." I cannot STAND it, whether it shows up on Facebook or my phone or even IRL. Those who know me know I cannot stand it and, therefore, send multiple thumbs-ups to me often (thanks, Dave and Eric!), but it truly makes me want to punch someone.

Bad Selfies. I take too many selfies, maybe because I love playing with cameras, maybe because I am getting all old and nostalgic and want to record every fathomable place I go and thing I do for some sort of scrapbook so I won't forget, or maybe because I have lost some weight and gained a bit of confidence; I have spent the majority of my life almost phobic of cameras and mirrors, after all. Unfortunately, the great majority of those selfies are not publishable, like this one. Even more unfortunately, too many people publish the unpublishable ones. Not to be biased, but some people really need to edit themselves.


So, there you have it folks. My first new list of E- and Anti-props in a long, long time. Whether you agree or disagree, I hope you at least found something to grin about in there!